Recently, I had the chance to chat with my podcast co-host, who just wrote a book titled “Shut the F Up and Listen” (yes, really). His book dives into what he calls a “crisis of loneliness,” highlighting how we’re wired for connection but often fail to truly connect because we’re too busy talking and not nearly busy enough listening.
Think about it: When was the last time you felt genuinely heard? For many, it’s rare. My co-host pointed out that this is a big reason why people turn to counselors. They want — no, need — someone to listen without distraction or judgment. It’s not just about hearing words; it’s about making someone feel acknowledged, valued, and understood.
Not only can active listening be applied in the workplace, we should also focus on how we communicate with the people we love. Are we truly listening to them? Or are we nodding along while mentally drafting our grocery list or waiting for our turn to speak?
I’ll admit it: I’m not the best listener. My mind is often racing with work tasks, ideas, or what I want to say next. And I’m not alone — so many of us listen to respond rather than to understand. But as my co-host reminded me, effective communication begins with listening.
He shared a story that really stuck with me. After returning from a week-long counseling retreat, he spent two hours sitting on the back porch with his wife. He barely spoke — maybe three sentences in the entire time — but when they came inside, she said, “That’s the best conversation we’ve ever had.”
The power of listening lies in the pauses, the patience, and the effort to simply be present. By being present, you create a space where others feel valued and understood. True listening strengthens connections, builds trust, and reminds us that sometimes the quietest gestures speak the loudest.
This year, my Valentine’s gift to my wife is simple: I’m going to try to be a better listener. (I’m not saying I’ll nail it, but I’m going to try!) Whether it’s pausing before responding, asking questions to understand better, or just sitting quietly and soaking in what she’s saying, my goal is to make her feel heard.
Paul Tillich said it best: “The first duty of love is to listen.”
Listening is a skill we can all improve. It’s not just for romantic relationships either — it’s for friends, coworkers, clients, and even strangers. When you make someone feel truly heard, you’re giving them a gift that money can’t buy.
How Active Listening Can Make Us Stand Out
I recently attended an immersive training experience focusing on how to counteract the impact of AI and automation. With the changes on the horizon no profession is safe. We must accept the fact that fundamentally, everything changed with the widespread adoption of the internet, and this will be dwarfed by the changes that AI will usher in. Let me explain what I mean.
Prior to our new status quo where you have the combined knowledge of mankind in the palm of your hand you, as a consumer, had to go to the professionals and sales people to access knowledge. For example, if you wanted to buy a new television you went to the store and “shopped”. Now, you turn to reviews and Consumer Reports. If you wanted to invest, you went to a broker to find out what to buy. Now, you turn to Google, Jim Kramer, etc. If you wanted to take care of your family when you die, you went to the lawyer to find out about wills and trusts. Now, many of our clients and prospects turn to Google… then, potentially, Legal Zoom.
You get the picture. As a result, many people do it themselves or have made up their mind on what they want before they speak to the professionals.
With AI, very soon we will evolve from the combined knowledge of mankind to the combined wisdom of mankind. This is a profound shift. This is the shift that eliminates your years of experience as a source of value. After all, isn’t wisdom the byproduct of knowledge and experience. Isn’t it your wisdom that points out the gaps in what they learned through their research.
So, where does that leave professionals in the future (and by future, I mean in the next couple of years)? How do we remain viable and growing?
By excelling at the art of human connection. How do we excel? By being better listeners, listening and asking different questions. A good start would be listening to my conversation with Matt and the prior podcast with Lindsay Troxell.
So, to improve your business, and your relationships, it time to “Shut the F Up and Listen”. Why not start at home for Valentines day and continue to practice this discipline in your business dealings.
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